Monday, October 15, 2007

These are the days that leave you empty

It's the things I don't talk about that upset me the most. Countless times I've been with the words-waiting just behind me teeth. Just waiting to burst out & flood the ears of those around. Not once have I let them go. Not once have I spilt out every word, thought, and feeling. Most would say that's kind of unlike me, since I'm a big blabber mouth with my woes. The only real reason I'm not saying it is because I feel stupid. I feel like a big idiot. I think this is 100% my fault. Sure... the building blocks were laid out in front of me so easy to grab, but I could have left them where they were. I didn't have to pick them up & make this mess, the mess it is. I didn't have to get so consumed, but I did. I should have trusted me gut. I should have forgotten the insensible side of my heart, and remembered the side that's been beaten and broken, and left to rot. Had I, I'd be free of this. It's all my fault. I can't change it. I can't make it better.

I guess sometimes stewing in your sorrow is the best way to learn. I've always tried to take responsibility for the things that happen, but sometimes I can't help but think I need to stop doing so, because I've been beating myself up about this for a long time. I'm too stubborn to take the easy way out, and blame everyone else though.

I lost my appetite @ 12:47, and it's doing well at remaining M.I.A.

Uggggghhhhhh God!


Anonymous said...

whats the matter?

calories said...

Mostly you being "anonymous"?